Debbie's deAd sImpLe Life..

Let’s say it’s 6.15pm and you’re going home (alone of course),
after an unusually hard day on the job. You’re really tired, upset and frustrated. Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to drag out into your arm and up into your jaw. You are only about five miles from the hospital nearest your home. Unfortunately you don’t know if you’ll be able to make it that far. You have been trained in CPR, but the guy that taught the course did not tell you how to perform it on yourself..!!

NOW HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE..

Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack, without help, the person whose heart is beating improperly and who begins to feel faint, has only about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness.
However, these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedly and very vigorously.
A deep breath should be taken before each cough, and the cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the chest.
A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two seconds without let-up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again.
Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating.
The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm. In this way, heart attack victims can get to a hospital.

7th November..one of my friends’ dad just passed away today (Jacob’s dad). His dad collapsed while he was working in Bakam if im not mistaken. my thoughts and prayer will always be with him and his family. poor him..his mom died of cancer 2 yrs ago and now it’s his dad. since he’s a good friend of mine..i really wanna be there for him so bad..at least to comfort him and to show that i care. wish i can hug him right now. he must be crying hard for the big lost. He’s the youngest in the family, so it must be hard for him to have lost both of his parents such at young age. he treated me nice and kind all this while. he did comfort me while my cousin, Marshall passed away 1 month ago..and he even hugged me to congratulate me for my convocation. and i think i should do the same too to him..even if i cannot do anything but at least i wanna be there for him. well, i did text him earlier but i don’t think its enough. i wish i knew his house. gosh!actually, jacob will be leaving for offshore tomorrow morning. and luckily he haven’t even go yet. hurmm..i actually made a promise to Jacob that i would meet him and treat him before he go offshore but i failed last night. to be honest, i had the thoughts of meeting him last night but i don’t know how the hell did i ended up in CB with my friends. and seriously, i regret it because i failed to meet him.

this whole thing taught me that we should appreciate the people around us because we would never know when will God takes them away from us. i’ve learned that we need to love one another and say everything that we need to say to the loved ones before it’s too late. honestly, right after i heard about the bad news, i was speechless..i don’t know what to say or do..feels like i wanna head straight to the hospital but rationally, i dont know the family members except for jullian and joshua..and i don’t think he will have time to talk with me. and i could bother him at this moment. yeah, and jullian, his older brother is soooo nice. we met twice and he is soo friendly. he knew how to treat me and what topic to be brought up with me. and it gives me a stronger reason to show up my face to them..

and earlier tonight, my parents had a big fight about something. i was just finished showering and about to put clothes on when i heard a bang and then i heard them shouting. i was so clueless about what happened and i didn’t know what to do so i rang my brother, Damien and told him to go home right away with Daniel. my parent said something about dying and i didn’t know what to say. recently, lots of things happened. Marshall had died, Jacob’s dad just died..lots of arguments and fighting in the family..and honestly, hearing the word “die” freaked me out! i don’t think i can accept another death after this. Marshall’s death still in my mind. it was a very traumatic experience for me because i’ve seen it live..the ICU, CPR thingies etc..i don’t think i can bear with it once again. i seriously know how does Jacob feel at the moment even though i never knew how does it feel to have lost both parents at such a young age. God Bless him and his family. hope that he will be ok and will be strong to sail through this storm..

i just had a fight with mom..she shouted to me like a maniac and i didnt even bother about her. i just kept silent and didnt reply back. okay whatever! she said she’ll go back to miri tonight…and do i care? i don’t right? maybe i should be left alone..i can probably be happy with no nagging and so on..

i should be happy on my graduation day. to be more specific, yesterday is my graduation day..and im not happy since yesterday. i should be dong what i wanna do..with my family and friends..why do i have to force myself to like what i don’t like kan? weird? do i have to do what they told me to do? okay, i understand now..it’s my parents’ money so i cannot do what i want. so, i promise myself in the future, although i think its better for me to die as soon as possible, i’ll earn lots of money and repay them back. its better like that. i dont want to owe them money..because i wanna prove myself that i’ve made a good decision that i should do what my heart wants. and shit! i cannot turn back the time to yesterday. i’ve lost the opportunity to take great pics around the campus with friends and lecturers. i only took pics with family and i dont even have a pic on my own..see! can we take back the yesterday’s moment? we can’t right? i dont feels like its a graduation day..it felt like a family day to me..where i need to fulfill what my mom wants me to do..and my dad and grandma can’t stand waiting for me to take pic with my friends and lecturers. gosh! i want to take pic with dr. shahren (our dean) actually..but i missed the opportunity..my mentor, my lecturer supervisor and so on..i missed everything. 

hey, suddenly i miss my late cousin, Marshall..its been 1 month since he left us..wish to join him up there..maybe in this way, they will learn how to appreciate and respect me. as a child, i don’t deserve any respect ka? okay…i understand now..if i have money, people won’t complain or say anything about what i do with my money kan? now because i am using my parents money, i cannot do anything. sigh! but if die kan, i think im the happiest person because God is beside me..and i know God will respect me. with God, i dont have to gain respect with money..i just need to be pure with Him..fuhhh! how wonderful my life will be. besides that, i can see marshall juak la..i miss his don’t-care-about-others attitude..=) wish to die soon.

Ever since Marshall left this world, i keep on thinking about death. i began to think when is my time to leave this very world? Will i go first/early like Marshall? before any of my family members? well, honestly speaking, i’d prefer if i disappear first before my dad, mom, brothers and sis..that’s because i never wants to see them suffer. it’s better for me to already be up there and look after them or taking care of them while they’re sick or suffer. i’ll be their guardian angels and save them from harm.

I wonder what will happen if i die young just like what happened to Marshall? if that’s what GOD has written for me, i don’t want my family to cry hard for me..i know GOD takes his child for a better reason so they can become their family’s guardian angels. and i do believe that Marshall is with God now and he’s in a better place. everywhere i go, i still can feel him. i know he’s watching us from above, together with our Father in heaven.

And when my time has come, i want my family to be strong and accept the fact that GOD took me for a good reason. hoping that they will hold strong their faith towards God and always pray for me…u know..go to church and pray for themselves and me.

and the montage? like what Trina did for our late brother, Marshall..will they do the same for me too when im gone? i hope not..because i know everybody will cry when seeing all the pictures of mine with sad songs..=( but some part of  me says it’s okay to do a montage of me since i was a kid til the end of my life in this world..well, not to mention the other life with God which im about to explore after i die. that’s because, i want people to see what i was like since im a lil kid. but they, i hope i get the chance to choose the pictures and songs for my own montage anyway! i don’t want to look ugly in the montage..i mean, with GOd’s willing..if not, i have to trust my own family to choose the greatest pictures of mine. let the montage shows how happy and sad am i in my life. i guess some pictures can show what my life is really like..but most of the pictures i’ve taken shows the happy side of my life. that’s great! so, they won’t know the sad stories of my life. i guess it’s better for them to remember me as a happy go lucky person.

and one more thing, when im gone..i want all my family members and friends from all places to come to my funeral..hehehe..all friends that i had and used to hang out with..all over malaysia, my friends who live outside Malaysia etc..friends from primary school, secondary school, campus friends, colleagues, celebrities that i;ve known, neighbours,  etc..let them gather and share stories about me. so that they’ll know what they should know about me. i hope it’s a good stories..lols! and during the funeral mass, i hope everything will run smoothly. and if possible, i want all my siblings (daniel, damien, dalcia) share their stories about me in the church..like what i did for Marshall few weeks ago. i know it’s hard for them to do so..they will cry, couldnt speak etc…but hey! i want to know what do u guys think of me..=)

lols! why am i saying all this..am i gonna die anyway? it’s not that im asking to die early, but well, we have to prepare or plan sometime..cause we would never know when is our time to be called by God..=) except for the death-sentence prisoners..they are the only people in this world who are being told when is their time of death. unique huh? oh, i forgot to mention, one of my cousins in America, Lina, suddenly told me this morning that she had me in her prayers..that is so sweet of her, hope to see u soon lina..=)i bet she worries about me whenever im starting to talk crap like this..lols!

well, talking about this stuffs makes me realized how important it is to appreciate everything that we have while we’re still alive. i’ve learned to appreciate everything i have in life and everyone around me especially my family and the most important is my love for God and realized that He loves me and will never leave me even though im going to be departed from my love ones..but one thing i know, the love between God and I would never fade away.

HERE’S 15 FACTS ABOUT GIRLS ..

1. Girls are inborn moody. When girls are having some bad mood, guys don’t compete with her anger.

2. When girls are sulking. Guys be ready to cuddle them, kiss them and be ready to say the secret password “I love you”. For sure, things will be okay.

3. Girls loves to hear sweet compliments, because for girls it inceases their self-confidence. Guys, if they have this new look, give them some attention.

4. When girls are too serious on something, guys for sure there’s something wrong. If that’s the case, guys did something, that girls don’t like. So guys be alert. When girls says nothing, it means, there’s something. Girls are just too shy to let us know. Guys force them to say something and after they say it. Everything will be back to normal again.

5. Girls are too jealous mankind. Therefore, guys stop flirting with other girls, especially in front of them. Take note, some girls are too quiet if they get jealous, they observe your every action. Guys, if you don’t stop, expect world war 3!

6. Girls normally attract to handsome guys, but until their eyes only. Girls might attract to a 1 million guys, but their heart remain to the one they truly love.

7. Girls are very proud about their relationship like guys can’t notice. Such as, in (Group text message), Facebook and TUMBLR.

8. Girls don’t like short courtship. And girls don’t like to ask something like, “When will you be my Girlfriend?”, it irritates them. Guys should learn how to wait and be sincere.

9. If girls are sad or silent, they want a hug from guys, because it makes them feel better when guys hold them tight.

10. Girls love guys who have higher respect to girls. Such as, no kiss, if they don’t want too. Instead, show them fondness in a nice way. Girls like guys to kiss them on the forehead, because it symbolizes, respect.

11. Girls are easily turn on to a guy who is very protective. Girls likes the feeling of being safe with her man.

12. Girls like guys in action, not in words. That’s why most girls prefer guys they can see personally than text or chat.

13. Girls really love guys who shows effort, even without a special day. And girls loves to be treated as Princess.

14. Girls like guys who introduce her to his friends and especially to his family. They feel they are the luckiest woman on earth!

15. Girls are very pretenous, especially if they are badly hurt. When girls left all alone, that’s the time they let their feelings out, that’s the time they cry a lot. And that’s why, girls love sensitive guys.

Good morning everyone! what a nice weather outside there..and i guess it’s a shame to lock yourself in the house today..

hurmm.last night was fun! there’s this new band in CB..and guess what?? Ronin is back! ahhahhaa..the the band members are all hawd! OMG! *nose bleed* since Ronin is our friend, so we told him to introduce the other members to us..awwww! ahahahah..this is just for fun okay..nothing’s wrong with making new friends kan? hehehe..it’s been awhile since i did not enjoy myself..since that dark tragedy.=(

hurmm..speaking of the tragedy, i miss my cousin MArshall..urgh! not again….=/

i need to get up for shower…gonna accompany mom and sis to wander around town later…so laters! have a great day everyone!

22nd October..one of my cousins (Marshall) passed away due to multi-organ failure with septic shock..the doctor declared his death at 11.35pm at General Hospital, Miri..no word can describe how i feel at that moment..i was crying like crazy. Until today, i still can’t believe that our Heavenly Father has took him away from us. i know because He loves him more than we does. but please God, give us strength to face all this especially to both his parents and sister, Madonna.

seriously, this tragedy affects me so much at every way and every lil thing that i do..Marshall has been staying at my house since 13th July 2011..he actually live in Kuching..because he wanted to look for job, he went to Miri and attend some interviews. there’s this one day, 12th October 2011, he has been attacked by high fever and i was the one who sent him to the Tudan’s Hospital. there, the doc told us that he’s already in a ‘red zone’, means in a critical condition. he was not able to walk. then, he was being transferred to the General Hospital, Miri by an ambulance. i followed him from behind since i drove my own car..there, i saw him being attended in the ER and then was transferred to Ward 3 around 8pm..Doctor Cynthia told me that he’s dealing with virus infection (air kencing tikus). his kidney is failed to function that made him cannot walk, weak heart, pneumonia, low blood pressure and he can pee and poo..since the doc afraid that he tocsin might go to his brain and can make him coma, so, they have to put a hose/tube in his stomach to suck all the dirty fluids from his body. he signs all the approval letters while i was crying beside him knowing that i couldnt do anything to help to ease the pain. he suffered a lot. at 2.40am (13th Oct), he has been transferred to ICU. the next day, when i visited him in the ICU, he looked very ill and i was crying again. i couldn’t stand to see him suffered. on the 3rd day, his dad and sis arrived from Kuching..he still can smile everytime the sedative is gone. the doc gave him a very high dos of sedative to put him to sleep..on the same day, they fed him with milks..through the tube..the 4th day, suddenly his lungs bled..they did the CPR on him and the docs managed to save him that time. and he’s 100% on the life support after that.

Saturday (17th Oct 2011), Dr. Leon explained to us that he’s getting worst and we should be prepared for the worst to come. 19th Oct, the doc told us that 80% of his internal organs has been infected by the virus and big possibility it has reach the brain. then on 22nd Oct, around 9pm…is his second CPR and the docs managed to bring back his heartbeat but his kidney, liver and lung are all shut down. then around 10.50, he docs once again were doing CPR on him which is his final CPR before they declare his death. i was phobia with all these things..fever, infection, ICU, CPR, life support etc…i used to see all these things on tv, and then suddenly it happened to my own family. i don’t know what to say..only God know how i feel at that very moment. around 12 something, his body was being brought to the mortuary. i ironed his clothes at dawn around 5am without realizing that my tears rolled down on my cheek. i didnt sleep that night..i was busy helping others with the preparation for his funeral since they gonna bring his corpse back to Kuching by airplane. at 9am, we went to the mortuary to claim and clean his body before putting him in the coffin. his coffin is worth of rm8000 and then departed to Kuching on 23rd Oct 2011, 2.20pm..my family and I arrived Kuching on the next day 24th Oct because we stopped and spent 1 night at Betong..

26th Oct 2011 - this is the day of his funeral mass. it was being held at St. Thomas Cathedral and led by Reverend Ronnie Kennedy. the father, Uncle Brownie wanted me to give speech together with the sister, Madonna..on behalf of the family. i couldn’t speak much because i was too sad. i was not able to talk and i cry a lot in front of everyone. i saw everyone was crying with me..seriously, i couldn’t hold back my tears. after the funeral mass, we were all went to Batu Kitang’s cemetery. he was buried at Batu Kitang’s cemetery. according to the Iban’s tradition, the candle should be lighted for 3 days straight starting from the day he was buried. the candle lighting was ended on Wednesday, the same week (28th Oct)

my family went back to Miri on the next day and i decided to stay longer to accompany Uncle Brownie and Auntie Tara together with my grandma and my cousin, Fedelia. Yesterday, we did go to the cemetery to visit Marshall again. we miss him so much. yesterday, while i was attending the Sunday Mass at St. Thom, the did mention his name and say condolence to his family..suddenly i felt like crying while they mentioned his name..hurmm..

im going back to Miri on 5th Oct and will be coming back to Kuching again on the 18th oct to attend my convocation. my convocation will be on the 22nd October 2011. im supposed to be excited over this convocation stuffs but my heart just can’t help it. im still sad because Marshall left us at such a young age. awh..i forgot to mention his age.. he’s only 23yrs old..my age. he will turn 23 next month..11 November. =) anyhow, Marshall, u will be deeply missed by all of us down here. i know u’re in a better place right now and u can watch us from above. sometime, i still can feel that u’re still here with us though we can’t see you. 

that’s all for now. i will update again later..=) good night everyone..good night dedek a.k.a Marshall! Rest in peace~